When I Was Not Looking: A Journal About Dying

Cancer changes everything. While enjoying an ideal retirement in Hawaii, John suddenly develops severe back pain that turns out to be metastasizing bone cancer caused by prostate cancer. After unsuccessfully exploring alternative medicine, he receives life-prolonging treatments, pain management strategies, and hospice care. This is the story of his heroic struggle with illness, of his acceptance of impending death, and of his wife's responsibility to let him go. Nancy's journal records their fears, their humor, their routines, and their love as they learn how to live with dying. It is a detailed account of facing a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer, of navigating multiple doctors and hospitals, and of coping with the tests, treatments, side effects, indignities, and decisions that come with aging, illness, and dying. Read more